The Day I Stopped Accepting Excuses From Myself

A young Sailor stood in front of me with his head down.

He had missed a deadline. The work was important. Other people were depending on him. And now he had a clipboard of explanations ready to go. The traffic. The schedule. The other supervisor. The system. The training.

I let him finish.

Then I asked him one question.

"Was that a reason, or was that an excuse?"

He looked up. His face changed. Because deep down, he already knew the answer. We always do.

That moment played out hundreds of times across my 30 years in the Navy. Different Sailors. Different situations. Same question. The careers that took off were the careers belonging to the people who learned to tell the difference between the two.

This is about that difference. How to spot it in yourself. And how to stop letting your own excuses run your life.

The framework I am about to walk you through comes from Chapter VI of the book my brothers and I co-authored: D.A.E.L. — Discipline, Authority, Excellence, Loyalty. The chapter was written by my brother Dr. Larry B. Rankin II. It is one of the cleanest tools I have ever seen for separating real reasoning from convenient storytelling.

The Quote That Sets the Standard

Rudyard Kipling said it plain.

"We have forty million reasons for failure, but not a single excuse."

Sit with that for a second.

Forty million reasons. Real ones. Honest ones. The kind that explain, with facts and logic, why something went the way it did. Reasons help the next decision get better. They build trust. They sharpen leadership.

Zero excuses. Because excuses are something else entirely. They are stories we tell to escape the weight of our own choices. They protect the ego in the short term and erode the character in the long term.

The hardest part of leadership is realizing you can run out of reasons and still have plenty of excuses left.

Reasons vs. Excuses: The Definitions That Change Everything

Most people use these two words interchangeably. That is the first problem.

A reason is a justification or explanation for an action or decision based on facts, logic, or evidence. It is grounded. It can be examined. It holds up when someone asks the follow-up question.

An excuse is an attempt to avoid blame or responsibility by making up a false or exaggerated explanation for an action or decision. It is built to deflect. It collapses under pressure. It always points outward instead of inward.

Reasons say: "Here is what happened, here is the data, here is what I am going to do about it."

Excuses say: "Here is what got in my way, here is who slowed me down, here is why this was outside my control."

Same situation. Two completely different responses. Two completely different futures.

Leaders who make excuses for their actions or decisions lose the credibility and respect of their followers. Every single time. The team is always watching. They are always measuring. And they always know which one you just gave them.

The J.A.G. Framework

Here is where it gets practical. We break the difference between excuses and reasons down into a three-letter acronym: J.A.G. — Justification, Avoidance, Gifted. Two of those describe excuses. One describes reasons. Together, they explain the entire mechanism.

Justification

A real justification is the ability to explain a decision with intellectual reasoning. Great leaders make decisions based on careful analysis, time spent gathering information, and weighing the cost of each option. They take the time before the decision, then they own the decision after it. That kind of justification builds trust. It makes the team feel safe under your call.

Fake justification is a dressed-up excuse. It uses big words to soften a small effort. Watch for it in yourself. The longer the explanation, the more you have to ask whether the substance matches the syllables.

Avoidance

Great leaders take ownership of their mistakes and work to correct them. They understand mistakes are inevitable. They understand the fastest way to grow is to look the failure in the eye and learn from it.

Excuses are the opposite of that. Excuses are pure avoidance. They shift blame onto another person, another department, another circumstance. They protect the leader from the conversation he or she most needs to have.

There is a healthy version of avoidance — great leaders use careful avoidance to preserve life, reduce chaos, and build trust. That is strategy. That is wisdom. The avoidance to watch out for is the personal kind. The kind that keeps you safe from the truth about your own performance.

Gifted

Every leader has a gift. A craft. Something they do better than the people around them. The ones who recognize their gift, develop it, and deploy it for the team are the ones who inspire other people to follow.

The gifted leader leans into responsibility because the gift only works in real conditions. Excuses sit the gift down. Reasons put the gift to work.

This is why J.A.G. matters. Justification and avoidance are the two sides of the excuse coin. Gifted is the antidote.

The Real Damage of Excuses

Most people underestimate what excuses actually cost them.

The utilization of excuses serves one purpose: stunting an individual's growth. Every time you tell yourself a story about why something was outside your control, you reinforce the belief that you have less power than you actually do. You shrink your own agency one excuse at a time.

When that pattern repeats, it becomes character. Permanent personal stunting in capacity, in confidence, and in potential. Failure becomes easier to stomach because the story protects you from feeling it. The team feels it though. Your family feels it. Your future self feels it most of all.

In a leader, this trait is unacceptable.

When leaders make excuses, they are usually focused on everything and everyone else but themselves — operating in a state of unwillingness to take responsibility for individual behaviors and decisions, continuing to make excuses while failing to grow in character.

That is the real cost. Not the missed deadline. Not the lost contract. The slow erosion of who you are becoming.

What Reasons Build

Leaders who take responsibility for their actions and decisions, and who provide clear, logical reasons for their actions, gain trust and support from their followers. They build something most people are searching for and few people earn — a reputation for integrity.

Abraham Lincoln during the Civil War. In the Gettysburg Address, he acknowledged the sacrifices of the soldiers who fought and died in battle. He took responsibility for the war and the suffering it caused. Then he gave a reason why the war must continue. That is a leader using reasons to inspire continued effort instead of excuses to soften the cost.

Steve Jobs when the iPhone 4 launched with an antenna flaw causing dropped calls. Jobs held a press conference, took responsibility, explained the technical issue clearly, and provided a reason. He kept his reputation as a visionary leader committed to quality.

Indra Nooyi at PepsiCo when the company was criticized for its high-sugar drinks. Nooyi acknowledged the issue, explained the company's commitment to reducing sugar content while addressing existing demand. By using reasons instead of excuses, she demonstrated commitment to company values while addressing the concerns of critics.

Three different industries. Three different decades. Same skill. These leaders all faced moments where excuses were available and easy. They picked the harder path — the one that strengthens reputation and reinforces honest relationships.

A Self-Check You Can Run This Week

Four questions. Sit with each one before answering.

A Few Quotes Worth Carrying

Pick the one that lands hardest for you. Put it somewhere you will see it tomorrow morning.

One Final Thought

The Sailor I told you about at the start. The young man with the clipboard of explanations.

He came back to my office two weeks later. Different posture. Different energy. He told me the deadline situation had bothered him for days. He said the question I asked him changed how he was looking at his whole job.

He had been keeping a list. Every time he felt an excuse forming, he made himself stop and rewrite it as a reason. The traffic became a planning issue. The schedule became a communication issue. The other supervisor became a coordination issue. The system became a process he could improve.

Same situations. Different language. Different outcomes.

That young man went on to make Chief.

The question I asked him is the same question I am leaving with you.

The next time you reach for an explanation — was that a reason, or was that an excuse?

If you answer that question honestly every day for a year, you will be a different person twelve months from now. That is the entire promise of self-leadership. It starts there.